Remember to breathe

This may turn out to be a long one...

Sometimes writing it down is cleansing. I am learning more and more about myself as the weeks go by, and I have found this past week, hell, month, to be an education in many aspects. I, as if I need to advertise this, wear my sacred little heart on my ever-tattered sleeve, so none of this confessional should be surprising.

For those that have been with me through this long journey, I first say a deep soul-wrenching 'thank you'. Lesson one, be thankful. I feel like I've been on the craziest rollercoaster ride, sometimes stuck hanging upside down and wondering when the wheels were going to start spinning again. I am on solid ground again, and regaining my footing. I've grown leaps and bounds, and while I will always have funny stories to tell, the tales that remain solid in my memory are those revolving around friends and family who have done nothing but support me unconditionally. I bow my head often throughout the day and consider the many blessings I have and the fullfilling joy I feel. Thank you.

Today, I sold my wedding ring. It's been a long time coming, and I should not have been surprised at my inital reaction of steadily flowing tears. It's been over a year since it's actually been around my finger, and after all, it's a piece of molded metal, a precious stone, a material object...I suppose it's the undying overanalyist inside me that considered it a symbol of love and honesty and true devotion. After carrying it aimlessly on my key chain, I decided it was long past due that we part ways. As I turned it over to the kindest man who bought it from me, I welled up--I can sincerely say I have never seen so much sympathy in a stranger's eyes as he placed it around his own pinky for safekeeping. I think that's what got me, because he read deep into the depths of my own heart, and judged nothing, simply patted my hand, and asked if I was sure. And fuck if I was hadn't been any more sure of anything in my life. I no longer feel anchored.

I don't write this as a sympathy cry, or an attention grabber, but a simple sharing of my heart and soul. I have no sadness over what transpired, because my life is abundantly joyful, as I've said many times. I hesitate to even type this as I am allowing new people into my life, but as we all know, Becca rambles, and eventually it would all spill out and overflow freely from pursed lips. Today was a good day despite a tear or two.

Days long, starting to be sunny, many a long talk, a good cry, a silly dance, a chalk drawing, a fashion show, good wine, hysterical laughter, high fives, amazing music, new passions, bangs and haircuts, bicycles and babies, intuitions, tulips, dandelions, inside jokes, a thousand cigarettes and never enough sleep...this is my world. This is my heart.

And to those newest to it, and you know who you are...I adore you. You light up my life.

My heart skips a beat...