This post is about tits.
Boobs. Knockers. Tatas. Cheechees. Gonzagas. Fun bags. Call them what you will, but all in all, they are breasts. Two lumps of fatty flesh attached to the front of a woman, decorated with nipples. Plain and simple. Little known fact: men have them, too, although slightly less glorified. They are an unavoidable part of the human anatomy. They are big, small, round, lopsided, soft, black, white and everything in between. If boobs were ice cream, there would definitely be more than 31 different kinds. Now, before you get yours in a twist, let me explain where I'm going with this: breastfeeding. I know, I know. I SHOULD be sharing my birth story (which I totally will, in a slightly more serious blog later on) or catching you up on how motherhood is going (in a nutshell, it's awesome and there's a whole lot of poop), but I thought with National Breastfeeding week coming up, this was a totally appropriate topic to discuss. Disclaimer: I say bad words (Sorry, MOM). Eh. Here we go.
I breastfeed, exclusively. I think there's a stigma that comes along with moms who choose this route that they "think they are better than other moms" or "look down on formula fed babies" or "are trying to make a point". I can't speak on behalf of other moms, but I personally chose to do this because 1. it's FREE (yello, babies are SPENDY) 2. it's healthy for my baby. Cut and dried, those are the facts. Plus, I hate the thought of getting up in the middle of the night to make a bottle, when I can just roll over and have Henner's early morning breakfast readily available while continuing to doze peacefully. I do fully believe that breastfeeding is the healthiest option for your baby, period. That being said, I do not knock mothers who just can't. It happens. Let's not even touch on how I personally feel about formula, because this is about breastfeeding. And I know a lot of amazing and intelligent kids who were formula fed.
Like I stated above, I did not choose to feed my son on tap to make a point of any kind. Let's face it, being a mom is tough to begin with, especially a first time mom. You're already tired and admittedly a little stressed and worried about this amazing but very tiny and needy person that you've brought home with you. They cry. They poop (again, like, more than you even imagined). They get hungry often and sometimes you poke them just a little bit to make sure they are breathing. Even if you just rocked them to sleep for 45 minutes. OMG why did I poke the baby. Great. Goddammit.
It's the start of a lifetime of adventure and growth, and the choices you make from the time you learn you are pregnant follow you throughout that lifetime. You are responsible for another human, even on the days where you feel like you might collapse or scream or cry while hiding in laundry room eating Twizzler's Nibs (yeah, so?). How you nourish your kiddo is one of the first critical decisions you have to make. That being said, I have a few other things to add about boob-feeding. Ready?
It's the start of a lifetime of adventure and growth, and the choices you make from the time you learn you are pregnant follow you throughout that lifetime. You are responsible for another human, even on the days where you feel like you might collapse or scream or cry while hiding in laundry room eating Twizzler's Nibs (yeah, so?). How you nourish your kiddo is one of the first critical decisions you have to make. That being said, I have a few other things to add about boob-feeding. Ready?
It's not gross. I'm going to be really harsh and opinionated on this because I have yet to hear one single argument against BF that has caused me to bat an eyelash. Nor has hearing people tell me it's inappropriate to feed my babe in public deterred me in any way. I'm not ashamed. I'm feeding my kid, get the fuck over it. It's exactly the same thing as feeding a child in a public place with a bottle--baby is hungry, baby will cry, cries will SERIOUSLY escalate into full blown frantic screams. So you feed. Some moms are more modest when this than others. That is fine. I am one of those moms (meaning, I don't pull my entire breast out), partially because I have GIANT tetons, but partially because that's just how I roll. Others aren't. Nor should they have to be. The solid fact with COVERS is that not all babies especially love being smothered with a blanket or drape(and again, some don't mind, there's nothing wrong with covers, PC and all that). Henners, even at 3 months old, is already a master a slap-kicking while he feeds, so even if I were to attempt to put something over his head, he would quickly discard it and then ALSO unlatch, exposing nipple and possibly spraying everyone within a few feet. So. For me, I find that there's no need every time he's hungry to start a small circus complete with acrobatics and milk fountain. I also don't find the need to go hide in a bathroom or out in my car to feed. Bathrooms are gross and probably one of the most germ infested places I can think of. Cars are hot in the summer and cold in the winter, and if I'm trying to save money by NOT buying formula, you can damn well bet I won't be wasting gas money by running the AC or heater in my car. The other option is that I deny his need and wait to feed him until I get home, we can all sit in Denny's together and listen to my starving baby scream while you try to enjoy your Moons Over My Hammy.
I guess I could stay home. For a year, or two, or whenever we choose to wean. But that's not practical, and nor is always being able to schedule feedings in the privacy of our home just to make a few strangers happy. It's HARD being a new mom and having to breastfeed for the first time in public or within the company of others. Some moms have a hard time with the baby latching on, or getting enough to eat initially, and the last thing they want to worry about is balancing their delicate newborn, getting said newborn to latch correctly AND trying frantically to work out the cover they have on so that they don't embarrass ANYONE ELSE. I dare someone who finds breastfeeding abnormal to go up to a struggling new mom and bitch her out about doing it in public--if you can, you're heartless, and obviously have never been a new mom yourself. Hell, shame on you.. Whatever happened to the approach of "it takes a village"? When did we, especially moms, start casting stones at others choices instead of trying to understand and support, even if we ourselves don't subscribe to a particular method?
I understand that feeding makes some people uncomfortable. To that I say, quite frankly, too bad. There are a lot of things in this world that make me incredibly squirmy and uncomfortable, but I get over it. Boobs are everywhere; in the media, at the beach, in bikini coffee stands, in movies that our children are exposed to. It is odd to me that we can watch and witness these things daily but then throw up hands in disgust at a mother breastfeeding in public. If I had a dollar for every time a lewd comment was made about my cleavage or "rack" I'd be a millionaire. Somehow, though, seeing my breasts used a necessary life source for my son stirs up great opposition. Is it that something considered so sexual is being used for their true purpose? I will say firmly that there is a DISTINCT difference between the adult things tits are used for when the lights go down in the bedroom, and what they are used for as far as a baby is concerned. Feeding your child is the equivalent of making them a sandwich when they are hungry (except they have no teeth and don't even know what a sandwich is yet, whatever). It is satisfying a basic human need: hunger. I've heard it said many times that watching a mother feed is like watching a man urinate in public. I don't know about you, but. uh, pee pee is gross. I've never seen anyone use it for nutritional purposes, although I have heard somewhere that it helps with jellyfish stings. And, I don't know, I'd personally rather see a little boobie action than a surprise penis. Penises are awesome and all, I mean, that's how most of us GOT pregnant, but let's face it, they're no work of art (sorry guys reading this, your penises rock I'm sure).
Other mammals feed the same way, and no one gives them shit. Hey, you. Cow. Cover up. You're an abomination. You'd think us being the greater and more intelligent of all species, we could grasp this how totally normal and NATURAL breastfeeding is. I question mothers who are afraid for their children to be exposed to another mother breastfeeding; how then will you explain piglets nursing? Kittens? I don't know, puppies? They all nurse. Because it's natural. It literally is the same thing, and I think those children stand to be severely confused. I think the adults that have issues with it ARE severely confused, possibly sexually frustrated and totally ignorant. Boobs, ooohhh, not boobs! And is THAT A NIPPLE? Jesus-a-walking-on-water, that's a nipple. Nipple. Nipple. Nipple. Let's face it, if you're paying enough attention to me giving my son lunch, and happen to catch a glance of areola, you should be the one red in the face, not me, weirdo.
Regardless, I still didn't choose to breastfeed to take a stand against anything or anyone. Are you getting that yet? And I'm not alone it that. I love the bond it provides between me and my little turkey. There are other ways to bond, yes, but for me it has played an essential role in my start of motherhood. It has been empowering and I am very lucky that it has for the most part gone smoothly. I don't need to be validated that I'm making the right choice for my Booberton; I know I am. To hell with the masses. I'll whip my milk jugs (although I think "whip" is highly exaggerated, I'll very carefully try to pull one boob out without dropping it heavily on my sons forehead) out freely in the name of nutrition and the best choice for my giant, growing, flailing octopus-of-a-boy.
This is SOLELY my opinion. I am ALWAYS open to hear the opinions of others, assuming they are intelligent not just a poor comparison to other bodily functions and backed by research or personal experience. I made my choice from the testimonies of other moms, forums, research and what I felt was right in my heart and for my family. It's what works for US. I will always be an advocate for breastfeeding, now that I've personally done it myself, regardless of how new I am at it. I am passionate about the education and normalization of breastfeeding. Human milk. The REAL titty bar (see what I did there?).
I say let's start supporting each other in our decisions. And carrying around a stash of mini candy bars. That way, when you see a mom struggling in public, be it with breast feeding, a diaper change in the Target bathroom, or a new mom who maybe just looks perplexed as to how her car seat fits into the shopping cart (been there), you can slip her a bit of chocolate and a reassuring glance that she WILL BE OKAY.
No, really. About the chocolate. I could have used it a few times already. Did you know that babies can poop UP their body? Like, damn near up to their neck. More on that later.
Love to you all.
I could give a list of stats about breastfed babies, but I'll leave that up you to research. I feel strongly that regarding any decision you make right from conception it is vital that you are well informed and educated: PSA: this is a The More You Know moment. Moving on.
