This is how to feel without boundaries. This is submerging.
This is ok because you aren't really going under. Just lift your head up from your hands, see it all. Wipe your eyes, take a breathe and know the weight of being your own savior. Realize the effort it takes to lift yourself out of churning waters willingly and forcefully, like fire to tinder, igniting.
Some are like fireworks in the backyard. Burning bright and close and fast and raining down ash in soft patterns. Be stars. Be ever present, not a quick flash, not a spark. Don't be temporarily exciting, my dear, be magnanimous and overwhelming in your greatness. Do not feel like you have to be the boom, be the embers always lit. Be soft, stay gentle and light up paths.
Be ok with tiny love affairs and take them as they come. Build from them. Understand preparation for your heart, built up like a warrior of sorts. Don't ever become jaded because it will cut you at the knees and make you falter. If they lie, look at them knowingly. Pour out every ounce of you into everything you do and let it mold like cement and be concrete. Be still. Be silent. Be ok hurting sometimes.
Go alone and submit to the night. Cry. Let them put arms around because even if they aren't that love you so dreamed of, they understand you when you feel like things might crumble. Give in.
Go to sleep. Know things will get better tomorrow, even if only the amount that equals one grain of sand. Be grateful for what you do have and mourn your losses then bury them. Lay them to rest. Give up the ghost.
My darling you will be ok. You can do this.
I love you: I love me for that matter.
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