Writing to me is therapy. As I've mentioned in the past few blogs I've written, I wish I had been continuously blogging throughout this entire pregnancy. I know a lot of the more seasoned bloggers and true writers out there try their best not to change their blogging style, even if they are currently experience life changing events such as I. I just want to roll with it.
Up until now, my life has been a whirlwind, to say the least. It's been glorious and I find that I am consistently surprised by every corner I turn. I can't think of any greater adventure or challenge than bringing a child into the world. The pregnancy in itself has been mind blowing so I can't imagine what adventures I will have as I step clumsily into motherhood. I can't think of any better way to cope with some of the lessons I will learn other than with humor. Here's to laughs and poopy diapers, sleepless nights and unconditional love.
Until Crawdad comes barreling into this world, I've compiled a list of things I've learned from being pregnant.
1. Your regular pants won't fit eventually. You'll know when by instinct. You'll still try on those pants even though I'm telling you right now not to. Then you'll cry. Then you'll remember that I told you not to put on those pre-maternity pants and hear me going "I told you so" and get mad at me. I warned you ahead of time so I highly suggest you calm down and go buy something stretchy.
2. Speaking of pants. At 35, almost 36 weeks, putting on pants is a chore. I found myself keeled over in my bathroom having a hot flash as I tried to step into and then actually pull up my pants. My only thought was "Son of a bitch, I don't care if I leave the house in underwear at this point".
3. You cry. I'm not saying every woman has raging out of control hormones, but I have yet to speak to any woman who has had a baby and not hear about one good, solid cry over something miniscule. I have cried over the following: Pants (obviously), YouTube Kitten Videos, The Lonely Looking Man Eating His Sandwich in Jimmy John's, Spilled Milk (Yeah), Burning Various Food Items, etc. The list goes on.
(I cried once for no reason and when Josh asked what was wrong, I told him that I was scared of the baby coming out of my vagina because it was the only thing that I could think of logically at the time. Without missing a beat (as usual), he replied with "Oh, honey, did you not realize that's how it happens?". Bless this man)
4.You cannot change what is happening to your body. No matter how many times you scream at your hair to maintain control, your nipples to stop peeking through every shirt, your rear end to stop ballooning; it doesn't work. I guarantee that it's not as bad as you think, and no matter what, it's better to just embrace it. Besides, people love the shit out of pregnant ladies, and no matter what, will tell you you're glowing and beautiful. Trust me, I roll out of the house in 4 day old pants with no eyebrows on and people still tell me I resemble Heidi Klum. Just go with it and focus on the fact that your body is working on making a miracle.
5. There is no better feeling than peeing when you are pregnant. It is a cosmic experience and a great relief beyond words. There is also no WORSE feeling than having to pee and being forced to wait when you're pregnant. I read Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy and I remember her telling a story about peeing beside her car because she simply couldn't hold it. I never realized how dead on she was about this until one night Josh was occupying our bathroom and the undeniable urge hit. You won't understand this until you seriously consider karate kicking down your own bathroom door down on your loved one. I've come damn close to peeing in a kitchen sink as well. This is no joke.
6. Keep your phone charged and take it everywhere. You never know when you'll get stuck in the bathtub and need to call for help. If calling for help does not get the point across, try texting a picture of the similar situation you are in. You'll find that many phones now provide graphic and detailed emoticons that portray a thousand different situations.
7. Nesting is probably the weirdest thing I've ever experienced in my life; and for me it's not just cleaning and arranging, it's stocking up as well. When I was single and much younger, I remember living in a house where coffee, cheese, crackers and cheap liquor were our main staples. If toilet paper ran out, we would use Taco Bell napkins until someone got up the energy to bring home a .67 cent 4-pack from Albertson's. I find myself now counting rolls of toilet paper every time I use up one. Should we at any point get below 10 rolls, it is completely necessary for me to go to the store to buy another 18 pack. From the looks of it, you would think we were planning on dressing the baby in outfits entirely made out of Charmin. The same goes with nearly every other household item, as well as a sick addiction to potatoes. God forbid when the baby arrives that we run out and no one can make a baked potato.
There are so many other things that I am learning. There is a great fear of the unknown that comes along with it all and I believe that every first time mother experiences this. I can't wait to be that mom who is smiling in pictures like she just won the lottery. There's no reflection on her face that even hints towards the fact that she just endured countless hours of pain in amounts that seem physically impossible or that she pooped on the table in front of God and everyone or just had the world's most uncensored peep show--she just holding her baby and that's all that matters.
We love you all. From the very tight fit in our favorite chair, I hope to get to blog a few more times before baby and of course after.
No comments:
Post a Comment