Just Call Me Marshmallow

I couldn't stand Valentine's week unless I wrote a little something-something about the "holiday" like I did last year. I promise this time around to be a little more gentle, and maybe even slightly sentimental for you demented romantics out there. Oh, side note: I'm also going to talk about my cervix because as you all know by now, I'm pregnant. You're welcome.

I don't want to start off on the wrong foot, so let me state clearly that I still don't get Valentine's Day. I may not be as hardened to it as I have in the past, but I still don't understand the tradition. I have, however, come to the conclusion that St.Valentine was a woman--a pregnant woman. It's true. I've never in my life been so enthralled with holidays until I got knocked up, and let me tell you, V-Day has officially swooped in and taken the award for best selection of sugared-up, high calorie, chocolate-laden marshmallow-fluffy-shit HEAVEN. I mean, okay, not every single pregnant woman goes through some insane sugar addiction where she literally envisions herself swaddled in a blanket of caramel and licorice, rolling around in a giant bowl of hot fudge...but I did (am...still going through?). I chalk it up to the fact that before baby-brewing, I didn't have much of a sweet tooth and apparently your body can crave things it doesn't normally along with some really bizarre stuff (I am that lady that put vinegar on a hotdog in the first trimester). Also, a nod of recognition to my baby daddy who has forever had a particular love for sweets and then infected me with his sugar-coated sperm.

Whatever it is, pregnancy makes us go waddling bonkers over certain things. I can't even go in a grocery store without finding myself staring in awe at the selection of Valentine's goodies. The last time I went in Safeway by myself, I found myself stopping not once, not twice, but three times by the display in back by the eggs that was full of chocolate brownies and other creme-filled goodies, all V-Day themed (oh sweet Lord, you know what I mean...the brownies with the red candy topping and little chocolate bits). I don't have any clue as to how long I stood there, but it must have been a good five minutes of internal debating when I realized I was blocking the milk coolers and a little old man was trying to get by me. Bless his heart, he must have been standing there watching the whole time what appeared to be a very deranged pregnant woman, rubbing her belly maniacally and obviously having a mental breakdown over Little Debbie snacks. I grabbed a pack and ran to check out.

With that said, I have seen the light. Regardless of being in love, I get it now: Valentine Schmalentine's Day is about candy. It's a holiday for women everywhere who pee at least 7 times a night, stare at their color-changing nipples in horror, and listen to the doctor confirm that yes, indeed, your cervix does get as big as a soccer ball (I like to challenge my doctor with random facts I find online). Praise you, St.Valentine!

I don't want to leave you hanging with ONLY Valentine's facts about me, so here goes. Cupid is a symbol of Valentine's Day. Cupid was associated with Valentine's Day because he was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty. The oldest surviving love poem till date is written in a clay tablet from the times of the Sumerians, inventors of writing, around 3500 B.C. Girls of medieval times ate bizarre foods on St. Valentine's Day to make them dream of their future spouse. Every year around 1 billion Valentine cards are sent across. After Christmas it's a single largest seasonal card-sending occasion. AND my personal favorite that I dug up this year: In Korea, if you do not receive any gift on Valentine's day then all the singles go to Korean restaurants and eat black noodles to mourn their single status.

Before you find yourself heading to the nearest restaurant to stick your miserable head in a bowl of  black noodles in hopes that you will drown, listen to this. Regardless of your relationship status or your views on love and whimsy and courtship, know that February 14th is still just another day. I'll always have your back on that. I still firmly believe that we should be showing the ones we love and admire daily that we do so. And, if you love getting teddy bears and balloon-o-grams and roses, hell, live it up.

I personally look forward to it this year, and not just for the candy. I've got two very special Valentines: one who helps rescue me from the bathtub when I get stuck (happens) and let's me watch Toddlers and Tiaras for hours on Netflix, and another who is rapidly growing inside of me.

Cheers to us, Cupid. Here's to neither one of us wearing pants this season.